The Sweet Jealousy of a Paranoid Cow
by I'mTheGirlWhoLearnedToFly
Summary: You put in a jealous Hera and a vengeful Annabeth, you get the Stolls to unleash their full prankster, you ensure Zeus is caught in the crossfire...You get a fiasco which makes Aphrodite and a few other gods sit back, relax and enjoy as the show unfolds.
1. Prologue

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENT/DISCLAIMER: Thanks to Insanity is my second name who beta-ed the story and provided the plot. WE ALL LOVE YOU!**

* * *

"Zeus, you are aware that it's father's day today, aren't you?" Aphrodite asked the lord of the sky sweetly.

"Umm…No…"

"Well, it is," she said flatly.

"Okay…"

"You dense _idiot_, don't you think you should visit your daughter to show your love for her!"

"I am NOT a dense idiot, Aphrodite! And why should I visit my daughter to 'show my love for her'?"

"Because she's your favorite demigod daughter. Heck, she's your _only _demigod daughter, and you love her very much."

Zeus frowned. "She is? I do?"

"Of _course _you do. You love her so much, don't you?"

Zeus frowned again. That Aphrodite was pretty damn hot-it was hard for any member of the male gender to concentrate on whatever she was saying when she looked at them with those large eyes. Those large eyes which looked like pools of beautiful spring water…

He kicked himself mentally. _Hard._

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"Go and meet Thalia and tell her how much you love her," Aphrodite said in an extremely irritated voice.

"But she's with the Hunters of Artemis."

"She's visiting Camp Half-Blood. Just _go_, will you?"

"Umm…Why do I have to go again?"

Aphrodite sighed. Her charm was working, but not as much as she would have liked it to. She cranked it up a notch, complete with the batting eyelashes and coy smiles.

If Zeus looked dazed before, then he was knocked out right now. "Umm…so I have to meet Thalia at Camp Half-Blood?"

"Yes, because it will please me."

"Uh...okay…I guess." Saying this, he shuffled off, seeming to forget that he could just vanish in a flash if he wanted.

Ah well. Aphrodite had this effect on most men.

* * *

Hermes entered to see Aphrodite tapping away gleefully at her phone. He doubled back to see Zeus still looking considerably dazed-he was crashing into walls. He looked back at Aphrodite.

Hermes was smart. He knew Aphrodite's flirting cases when he saw them. "You do realize that he's your dad, don't you?"

"He is _not. _Who says?"

"Umm…Wikipedia."

"Oh. Oh right. Aw, who cares, Hera's his frickin sister, for crying out loud. And he's married to her."

"Like that's not disturbing enough without adding your seduction to the mix. What did you make him do, anyways?"

"I told him to go visit Thalia in account of father's day."

"Father's day isn't till another week."

"Who cares? I don't. And that's all that matters, right?"

"Sure, sure. What exactly are you trying to achieve? And who're you calling anyway?"

Aphrodite placed her cell phone to her ear. "Hello, Hera? Voicemail, ugh. Okay, I just thought you'd like to know…Zeus is giving Thalia a visit at Camp Half-Blood…Yes, Thalia. His demigod daughter. The one who was the result of his affair with another mortal woman…Yes, the very same woman with whom he bore two children…Thought you ought to know…Ok, then. Buh-bye."

She snapped her phone shut. "I'm sorry, Hermes, what were you saying?"

He looked amused. "I asked you what exactly you were trying to achieve."

"Oh, you know, Olympus Weekly is running low on the gossip factor…thought I'd help out. And of course, it would be fun to watch Hera strangle her brother/husband. And Ares's birthday is coming up, and you know how much he likes a good family fight, so…"

They both looked at each other. Hermes was the one who broke the silence.

"I'll let you watch the drama on my wide-screen TV if you bring the popcorn."

"Deal."

They both looked outside, where Zeus was still crashing into walls.

"Next time, use a little less charm."

"I'll remember that," she sighed.

* * *

At Camp Half-Blood, Zeus paused. He still wasn't sure exactly what he was doing here. Something about visiting Thalia? Father's day? All he could remember was Aphrodite's perfume.

Damn that lady, he thought angrily. He was going to have to do something about her. But best to send Athena to deal with her. If he went himself, he would probably just walk out with a confused memory and nothing but the color of her eyes left in his mind. He spun around, intending to go back to Olympus and give her a piece of his mind when…

"Dad!"

He groaned inwardly as he turned to see his daughter looking amazed to see him. He plastered a large smile on his face.

"Surprise, kiddo!"

"Dad, what are you doing here?" Thalia asked, looking amazed.

"What, you think I'd miss spending father's day with my only demigod daughter?"

"Father's day isn't for another week, dad."

"Oh. Um…practice makes perfect?" he asked with a grimace. There was _no _way he was admitting that he had been seduced by Aphrodite into coming...

"Wow!" Thalia said happily. "Come on, I'll show you around at Camp! Unless…" she hesitated. "Unless you need to go right now?"

Looking at the hopeful face of his daughter, Zeus couldn't help but smile. He had forgotten how much he loved seeing Thalia's smile.

"I'm yours for the day."

Thalia's face lit up. For probably the first time in her punk life, he had seen her look truly happy, and Zeus immediately thought, _worth it_.

But he was also a bit worried. When Hera found out…Oh, he was _so _dead.

* * *

Hera fumed. So he was off visiting his daughter, was he? Most likely doing it to make her jealous, too. What did he think he was going to achieve by playing hard to get? Well, she would give him something to think about...

She had a phone appear in her hand. Then she dialed a number.

"Hello, Hermes cabin?"

"Yeah, wassup?"

She groaned inwardly. Unfortunately, she couldn't turn them into cows-they were the best pranksters in the business. "Could I speak to the Stoll brothers?"

"Who's callin'?"

"Lady Hera. So make it snappy, if you don't mind."

"Oh, holy-! One sec, ma'am, just gettin' them." There was a sound as if the phone was being covered with a hand, but she could still make out what the boy at the other end was saying. "Yo! Travis! Conner! Leave that exploding snake alone and come here! That cow lady wants to talk to you both!"

Hera gritted her teeth.

"Lady Hera?" The person at the other end was either Travis or Conner-she couldn't tell the difference.

"Who the heck was on the phone before you?"

"Uhh…"

Somewhere in the background, there was a shout of, "Joe, you're in trouble!"

"Tell 'Joe' to hide under the bed. The cow lady's angry at him, and he should avoid meadows at all costs for sure."

"Yes ma'am. I'll tell him ma'am."

"Good. Now, Mr Stoll, you might be aware that my husband is over at your Camp. I'd like you to unleash your full prankster on him, if you don't mind."

* * *

Conner got a wicked glint in his eye when Hera said that. Travis looked stunned, but he wasn't going to look at a gift cow..er, horse, in the mouth. Connor clapped his hands gleefully as his brother said, "Of course ma'am. Right away ma'am."

"Good. Keep me updated on your progress."

She slammed the phone down.

Travis looked at his brother. "We need to make a list of all the things we're gonna need."

"On it, bro. S'not every day we get the green light to prank Zeus for all we're worth, eh?"

* * *

Aphrodite reached for a handful of popcorn as she looked at the television screen. "Wanna have a bet on how many pranks it takes till Zeus breaks down sobbing?"

"No bet." Hermes shook his head.

"Did I hear someone say 'bet'?" asked Dionysus as he stuck his head into Hermes's game room, "What're you doing?"

"I sent Zeus to Camp to meet Thalia. Hera's just employed the help of the Stoll brothers to get back at him."

Dionysus shook his head. "I don't even want to know what you did to him. Wanna bet on how many pranks it takes till Zeus cracks?"

"No bet." Hermes sighed.

"Ten drachmas it's going to take three."

"I think it'll take five," Dionysus said.

"When Hera finds out, she'll flay you both alive." Hermes warned them.

"Hmm, that's true," Aphrodite said thoughtfully. Then she got an evil glint in her eye. "That's why we need to make sure Hera _doesn't _find out. Or at least, forgets to deal with us since she's already…_occupied _elsewhere." She pulled out her phone once again. "Annabeth? Hi. I just thought you'd like to know…"

* * *

**Anyways, like I mentioned above, the plot and storyline-and even the hilarious title!-has been provided by Insanity is my second name. She's awesomeness reincarnate :)**


	2. 1: Stolls: Batteries Not Included

**Credit to ****Insanity is my second name**** who provided the plot, title and beta'd this.**

* * *

Conner and Travis were huddled up over a large piece of paper, studiously (never thought that word would be associated with the Stoll brothers!) writing something on it. Finally, Conner leaned back and stretched, surveying their work.

"Well, Travis, I think that's all for now..."

Travis looked at the paper critically. "I still feel we should order TWO buckets of the frog spawn..."

"Naw, one will do. But hey, who cares? Better safe than sorry, eh?"

"Right," grinned Travis as he made some changes to their existing plans.

"Wow," said one of their cabin mates-a girl who had been claimed only very recently-as she peeked over his shoulder. "THESE are the blueprints of all the pranks you're gonna pull on Zeus?"

"Well, yeah."

"Actually, I wanted to add the farting hamburger to the list too, but Travis said that Zeus didn't seem like the kind who would eat hamburgers."

"_Farting HAMBURGER?" _The girl looked shocked.

"Mm-hmm. One of my favorites."

"Oh." There was silence. Then the girl asked, "Can I borrow it sometime?"

Conner grinned, "Only if you pledge to make someone's life hell with it."

"Deal." They shook on it.

"Now let's mail the order form to Pranksters R Us," one of the brothers said, looking at the other.

"There's a Pranksters R Us?" the aforementioned girl said, looking very impressed.

Conner shook his head. "Oh, there's so much we need to teach you, grasshopper. So much we need to teach you."

* * *

Annabeth picked up her cell phone (1) and looked at it in surprise. She was positive she had switched it off...

"Hello?" she asked tentatively.

"Annabeth? Hi. I just thought you'd like to know…Oh, this is Aphrodite, by the way. You could tell, right?"

"Oh, of course," Annabeth said immediately. She was smart enough to know that you never, ever, EVER said that you didn't recognize the air-headed goddess of love, not unless you wanted to spend the rest of your life as a powder puff.

"So I was saying, you do know that Zeus has come to Camp, don't you?"

"Yes ma'am. Thalia's extremely pleased."

"Yes, and Hera is NOT." There was some snickering at the other end. "So she's going to take revenge on her husband."

"Revenge on her husband? What, should we start preparing for World War III or something?"

"No. She's taking revenge by contracting the Stoll brothers to play pranks on Zeus."

"Ah. Worse than WW3 then, huh?"

"Exactly. And naturally, Hera will be coming to Camp-secretly, of course-to supervise the Stolls...and of course, to watch the fun first-hand. Well, can't blame her for that..."

"I'll have you know, Aphrodite," Annabeth heard Hermes shout angrily in the background, "that my television is of the wide-screen variety, with High Definition viewing. It has superior color and picture quality, and not only does it allow you to watch programs live, but also has picture in picture and 127 hours of recording memory!"

"Can it, Hermes! No one wants to hear you quoting your TV's commercial, ok?" Aphrodite's exasperated voice sounded in her ear. She seemed to have regained her composure when she began talking again. "Sorry about that...Anyways, bottom line is, Hera will be there at Camp. Now, do you get where I'm heading?"

Annabeth's mind was already exploring a million different possibilities. "Lady Aphrodite, are you seriously asking me to make life hell for Hera?"

"Oh, I'm not asking you to do anything, dear. I'm just saying-have fun. Tootles." She hung up.

Annabeth put the phone down slowly. Her powerful, analytical brain was at work. Mentally, she put together a list of facts and deductions. Hera was going to be pranked by the Stoll for all they were worth, and the gods were watching-well, some of the gods, anyways. Aphrodite, of course, and judging from Hermes voice in the background, he was part of the conspiracy, too. And Dionysus wasn't there at Camp, so that would mean...

A wicked smile slowly spread across her face. So three gods were waiting eagerly for her to take revenge on Hera...and watching on one of Hermes's wide-screen, High Definition televisions, by the sound of it. They wanted to have fun? Well, Annabeth did, too.

She pulled out her laptop and began tapping away. They wanted her to take revenge? Alright. She would take revenge. In highly creative ways, too.

She looked at the plans she had highlighted; Plan PA system, Plan Godly Monkey, and for the grand finale...

Her cursor rested on a single, glowing file:

Plan Mad Cow Disease.

She smiled. If revenge was sweet, and revenge was a dish best served cold, then was revenge ice-cream? Possibly. Because Hera was going to enjoy her plans just as much as she would enjoy having a large, double scoop vanilla ice-cream with sprinkles shoved down the front of her dress.

Smiling to herself, Annabeth began tapping away at her computer. She was going to have a lot of fun today…

* * *

Zeus cursed Aphrodite for the umpteenth time-he'd stopped keeping track once he crossed the five hundredth mark. Not that he didn't enjoy spending time with Thalia-he was just worried sick about what Hera would do once she found out.

Meanwhile, the Stolls were executing plans their plans...

"All set?" Conner asked with an evil smile.

"All set," Travis replied with a mirror image of the wicked grin.

Very dramatically, he placed his finger on the large red button on their remote. The brothers held their breath as Travis very, very carefully pushed the button. The both ducked in reflex, covering their ears with their hands. The waited like that for a second. Two seconds. Three. Nothing happened.

"What the heck?" Conner asked in confusion. He grabbed the remote and shook it. Then he started jabbing the button repeatedly. Still nothing.

Travis grabbed it back, and turned it over. Then he spoke-"Did you put in the batteries?" he displayed the sign pasted at the bottom-PRANKSTERS R US DETONATER REMOTE. In smaller print: BATTERIES NOT INCULDED.

"WHAT? You were in charge of the remote!"

"Of course I was! But YOU were in charge of the batteries."

"No I wasn't! We didn't plan a 'battery in charge'!" And then Conner muttered, "No batteries. How very cliché, I tell you. And I HATE clichés."

"Ok, whatever, batteries please."

After inserting them, Travis simply jabbed the button without any ceremony. That was a mistake-they should have covered their ears.

BOOM.

They both looked at each other with wide eyes, and then peeked over the wall they were hiding behind.

It had worked. The little device they had hidden behind the targets in the archery ground had exploded. Zeus, being the nearest and most powerful lightning conductor, had attracted most of charge released. Yep, it had worked.

No, he hadn't been electrocuted. No fun in that. Instead, his clothes were charred and smoking, while his face looked like...

"His face looks like how Jerry's did when a fire cracker burst in his face," Conner snickered. "You know, from Tom and Jerry? That one in which Nibbles hid a cracker in the horn thingy, and Jerry blew at it and it blew in his face?"

"I'll have you know, Conner," Travis said in a superior voice as he pulled out a camera, "that I do not need educating in pranks played by some of the greatest pranksters of all time. Besides us, of course." He began snapping away.

"Hera will be pleased."

"Yeah? Well, when she sees the rest of pranks, then she'll be positively floored," Travis snickered.

He paused from his picture clicking frenzy. "These photos are going on Facebook."

* * *

Meanwhile, a certain blonde haired daughter of Athena was carefully reviewing her plans...Time to execute Plan PA System...

She carefully added the final touches to her device. It looked like a loudspeaker and foghorn had made out, ending up with this little baby. She quietly attached it to a large tree in the pavilion-fortunately, no one was close enough to notice her. She had timed it well-everyone was out taking part in their various activities.

She smiled. Now she just had to wait for everyone to come there for dinner.

* * *

"THOSE TWO LITTLE *bleep bleep bleep bleep*S! JUST WAIT TILL I *bleep*ING GET MY HANDS ON THEIR *bleep*ING *bleep bleep bleep* NECKS! I'LL *bleep* THOSE *bleep*ING *bleep*S!"

Zeus was really loosing it. Sure, he'd got himself looking back to normal, and no harm had come to him (except, of course, to his ego) but when he'd looked behind the wall in hopes of finding one of the Stoll brothers...

No son of Hermes was waiting for him, but instead there _were_ half a dozen pictures of him looking like a total idiot with his face blackened with soot. The last time Athena had got a hold of a picture where he was sucking his thumb **(ZEUS: I had cut it! Honest! I was just sucking it because I had CUT IT! / FLY: Yeah, yeah, we all know that lord Zeus. Now shut up) **she had written an article in Olympus Weekly about it. Boy, he _still_ hadn't been able to escape the sniggers... (2) Who knew how many more copies there were? And _that_ had caused him to lose it, causing him to give ^above^mentioned speech...

"Calm down, dad, calm down," Thalia said, looking fairly distressed. She hadn't been affected like her father had.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?" Zeus howled.

"I'LL *BLEEP* THOSE *BLEEP*ING *BLEEP*S, YOU SEE IF I *BLEEP*ING DON'T!"

* * *

Meanwhile, the Stolls were laughing their heads off in their cabin.

* * *

"I taught my sons so well," Hermes said proudly. Aphrodite and Dionysus were laughing too hard to comment.

Ares poked his head in. "What're you laughing your heads off at, punks?"

"Oh, Ares," Aphrodite giggled. "Happy pre-birthday present! We're watching the Stolls playing pranks on Zeus-Hera's orders-while Annabeth's planning revenge on Hera."

"Huh. This sounds much better than anything on TV."

"I'll have you know," Hermes said, looking very offended, "That Hermes TV is not only constructed using the latest technology, but has over 1700 channels. And all of them are-"

"Hermes, what did we say about TV commercial quotes?"

"Well, WWE is always good," Ares amended, "But this is better." He dropped down in the recliner that had a large sign on it-PROPERTY OF HERMES. DO NOT USE IT. IT'S RESERVED FOR HIM.

Hermes opened his mouth to say something, but Ares glared at him. He swallowed and shut his mouth.

"Wise decision." Ares muttered. "Anyone wanna have a bet on whether or not Athena's kid will be able to come up with better pranks?"

Aphrodite declined. "It'll be too close."

"I'll just end up being biased," Hermes said, shaking his head.

Dionysus leaned forward. His nature was one which couldn't resist gambling. "Ten drachmas on Hannah Belle?"

"Ten on the Stolls. Deal." They shook on it.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Camp, people had begun to start sitting in the pavilion. Annabeth smirked. Very, very quietly and very, very inconspicuously she pressed a key on her remote...

The loudspeaker/foghorn gave a high pitched whine...

Everyone fell silent as they began looking for the source of the noise...

And then the crazy device began blaring...

* * *

**(1) She does have one. Even though demigods aren't supposed to use phones, she still keeps one, remember?**

**(2) XD I'm so evil XD**

* * *

**Thanks to Insanity is my second name for beta-ing this story, and providing the plot, and the title. I love the title.**

**Remember the three Rs-Read, Review and Recycle. And Eat Chocolate Chip Cookies. Yes, that's very important too.  
~Fly~**


	3. 2: Diaries and Stink Bombs

**I apologize sincerely for the delay-I was on (forced) vacation. Seriously. My parents didn't tell me were going until a day before departure so that I wouldn't have any time to complain/plead/negotiate. What a life I live.**

* * *

_Meanwhile, back at Camp, people had begun to start sitting in the pavilion. Annabeth smirked. Very, very quietly and very, very inconspicuously she pressed a key on her remote..._

_The loudspeaker/foghorn gave a high pitched whine..._

_Everyone fell silent as they began looking for the source of the noise..._

_And then the crazy device began blaring..._

* * *

"_Dear Diary,_" the speaker blasted.

People cocked their heads in confusion. Why was the system apparently reading a diary entry? And more importantly-a question asked by those who knew Hera personally-why did it sound like Hera's voice?

"_Today Zeus was chasing a wood nymph again. He's so damn unfaithful! I think I'll have to call my marriage counselor again._

_Goodnight,  
Hera"_

Incredulous looks were passed as everyone stared at each other. Chiron raised a single eyebrow. Annabeth stifled a laugh.

"_Dear Diary,_

_Today I scolded Zeus for leaving the seat of the toilet up _again._ Men! They never learn, do they? And then he complains that I nag. That little *bleep*ing fathead._

_Goodnight,  
Hera"_

Someone from the snickering crowd, most likely one of the Hermes kids, made a comment that was possibly a bit too disgusting to be put here, just in case some of the readers are among the faint hearted. A girl next to him blushed furiously at his words, and punched him on the nose. He passed out. He did not make any more comments either.

The device was still talking:

"_Dear Diary,_

_Today I cried because Zeus continues to have affairs behind my back. How shameful! Why the holy Hades did I even MARRY that narcissist? I want a divorce, but I can't get one. Sucks to be a goddess of marriage. One day I think I should have an affair just to serve him right! Ancient Laws be damned!_

_Or maybe I'll just satisfy myself by torturing a few more demigods. No need to look like I'm so desperate that I break the Ancient Laws just to get back at my husband. Those demigods I'm about to torture are gonna be _really _sorry. For nothing they did, yes, but still._

_Goodnight,  
Hera."_

Someone from the chuckling crowd, this time most likely an Apollo kid, pulled out a boom box from gods know where. Suddenly Britney Spears was screaming "Womanizer! Womanizer! Oh you're a womanizer! You"-

"Shut the effing Zeus up!" someone else hollered. "We can't hear what Hera's saying!"

The volume of the boom box decreased drastically so that Hera's voice was audible-

"_Dear Diary,_

_Today Hermes gave me a website link- www . godly_speed_dating .god. Told me I was desperate, most likely. I considered strangling him then and there. But then I got Hephaestus to put a Trojan virus on his laptop instead. It was very satisfying, hearing his howls. But then Hephaestus pats my back reassuringly and tells me that he knows what it feels like to have your spouse cheat on you. Then _he _gave me a link, too- www . my_spouse_is_cheating_on_me_anonymous . god._

_I'm very happy to say that I strangled him then and there instead of sabotaging his toolbox or something._

_Goodnight,  
Hera"_

And then the system went dead. People were beside themselves laughing by now. Chiron tried to regain order, but seeing it was totally fruitless he just walked into the Big House, leaving the campers to do whatever they wanted.

Zeus immediately began praying to whatever greater force there was that Hera would spare him. Sure, he really, truly didn't have a hand in it, but when your wife was a jealous, paranoid cow, then what difference would that make to her?

Meanwhile, Hera gritted her teeth as she watched the show, hidden in the shadows, in silence. Oh great. She would never hear the end of this. Ever.

Heck, she didn't even HAVE a diary!

* * *

Aphrodite, Hermes, Dionysus and Ares were laughing just as hard as the campers.

"I," gasped Dionysus, "am TOTALLY going to win that bet, Ares!"

"Dream on, drunk," Ares said, grinning. "The Stolls are bound to have more tricks up their sleeves. They'd better, if they know what's good for them." He glared at Hermes, daring him to challenge him. Hermes wisely decided to stay shut. Hey, getting pulverized wasn't going to get them anywhere, right?

"Oh, classic," Aphrodite chuckled, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. "I'm glad I chose her. Hera will never even _think _about us as long as she's there, providing this kind of entertainment." She broke off as she started laughing again. "GO ANNABETH!"

"Did someone say my daughter's name?" Athena, who was walking past Hermes's game room, asked.

"She's a genius, Athena," chortled Hermes. "On my television, even live TV can be recorded and replayed, allowing me to show you what just took place without even needing to use up my 128 hours of recording space-"

"SHUT IT HERMES!"

"Ok, ok! I get it already!"

He replayed the entire scene for Athena. The goddess's eyebrows went higher and higher as she saw the show unfold. Finally she plopped down on one of the beanbags and said, "Pass me some of the popcorn, Aphrodite. This is a good show."

"Those Stolls better have some genius plan up their sleeves," Ares muttered, "Because I am NOT going to lose that bet, I tell you!"

"Oh, you wait," Hermes said confidently, "They'll do something truly spectacular to Zeus, mark my words."

* * *

"You set the trip wire?" Conner asked in a whisper.

"All set. Activated the circuit?"

"All set. Now let's just wait for Zeus," Conner grinned.

Zeus came, swearing using words even the Stolls hadn't known. Travis very resourcefully pulled out a pad and began writing the swears down. "We'll look them up later," he whispered to Conner, who nodded enthusiastically.

Meanwhile, the unsuspecting lord of the sky-actually, he looked pretty suspecting, truth be told, since only some time ago a device had blown up and fried him-was walking (storming, more like. Get it? Zeus? God of Thunder, _storming?_ Ah, forget it) out of the pavilion. As he walked between two trees, he didn't notice the trip wire placed by the aforementioned brothers only moments ago. He pulled at the thin thread, breaking a circuit that was keeping closed the door of a cage precariously balanced in the crook of an overhead tree. The door swung open, and G-force caused the half-dozen stink bombs inside to go rolling down and splatter on Zeus's head.

His screams could be heard all across Camp. Even as they ran, Travis was able to add new swear words to his list-he would really like to know where Zeus picked up such colorful language!

* * *

"Hand over the winnings," Ares said proudly to Dionysus.

"Oh, just wait, Ares, I'm sure Annabeth can come up with something better," Athena said in irritation. "Extremely smart girl, she is. The only mistake she ever made was to fall for that Jackson boy," she shook her head. "Such stupidity for a child of mine..."

"Why do I hear someone trashing my son?" Poseidon frowned from the doorway.

"Ah, join the show!" Aphrodite clapped. "Come on, come on Poseidon, we're watching the ultimate battle of the pranksters," she giggled.

"I heard about that."

"What? How?"

"Did you really think Hermes would be able to refrain from blogging about something like this?"

"Guilty," Hermes said brightly, not looking guilty at all.

"Oh yeah." Aphrodite muttered, "Didn't think about that."

"Aphrodite," Athena said impatiently, "You need to have a _brain _to _think_." She turned to Poseidon. "Make yourself useful and get some more popcorn. We're running low over here."

She turned her attention back to the screen without waiting for a response from either of them. "Plan Godly Monkey, eh? Sounds good."

"Yes, hearing the name of the plan makes me feel that I might stand a chance at winning that bet after all," muttered Dionysus.

* * *

At that moment, it seemed that maybe Annabeth would manage out-prank the Stolls, too.

She looked at the long, curly piece of fabric-a fake monkey tail (_yes_, you heard me right)-on her bed.

Annabeth ran over her calculations one more time. She picked up the fake monkey tail from the bed, then walked over to the place where she had kept her favorite automaton. Others had stuffed teddy bears-she had a mechanical monkey.

"Activation sequence Annabeth Alpha Black, 322461," whispered Annabeth. Immediately, the monkey's eyes opened and it cocked its head questioningly at her.

"Activate Plan Godly Monkey," she said, suppressing a smile. The monkey immediately jerked upright, grabbed the fake tail and hopped out of the window.

Malcolm entered the cabin as Annabeth was smirking to herself. "Hey, great job on the 'Hera's Diary' thing."

"What makes you think I did it?"

He snorted. "Come on. _Narcissist_? I don't think anyone else at Camp even _knows _that word."

"Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have used narcissist," Annabeth muttered.

"Maybe. Hey, did I just see a monkey jump out of the cabin?"

"Of course not, Malcolm! What in the world would a monkey be doing in this cabin? I mean, it's not like I would have designed an automaton that could quietly sneak up on Hera and pin a monkey tail to her skirt completely without her knowledge, and then slip a certain pill (which causes certain symptoms which I shall not mention here) in her drink, right?"

Malcolm shook his head. "You know what? I DON'T wanna know. It might be a bit too late for that, but still."

She smiled. "Good boy," she said as she pocketed the pill she took out from her drawer. What? You guys thought only the Stolls had contacts at Pranksters R Us?

* * *

**Every time you favourite/alert without reviewing, a cute, baby version of your favourite animal dies.**

**Think about it.**

**:)**


	4. 3: Frog Spawn and Plan Godly Monkey

**Oh mah GODS, you guys, such positive response…I'm having so many _feels_ right now :') Y'all get a choc chip cookie and juice, here ya go! (:) \~/**

**CREDIT to Insanity is my second name for the plot and title!**

* * *

Hera was fuming as she stormed through the forest. Nymphs and dryads quickly scurried out of her way. Crazy, jealous cow ladies aren't something one would want to deal with...She sipped the cup of wine she had with her, hoping it would calm her down a bit. It didn't. She needed a lot more than an aspirin and wine to calm down.

"Um...ma'am?" a young dryad girl interrupted Hera's thought stream, which mainly involved dragging whoever was responsible by the hair and XXXXX XXX XXXXX XXXX and then shoving it through a XXXX XXXXXXX XXX XX XXXX right after she was done XXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXX.

*certain sections of the above paragraph have been censored due to extremely graphic images*

"What is it?" she snapped at the poor dryad. "Can't you see I'm thinking up sadistic torture plans?"

The nymph cringed. "Actually, my lady, I may be able to turn into a tree, but I'm not a mind reader so I can't technically see that you're thinking up sadistic torture plans..."

Her friends were waving frantically at her. They didn't need to-anyone with half a brain would have the sense to make themselves scarce when Hera started to look THAT livid. But then again, most with half a brain wouldn't antagonize her in the first place...

"That dryad," Hera muttered darkly to herself, "is going on my People-To-Torture list."

"What she was trying to tell you, milady-Wait. You have a People-To-Torture list?" her friend asked with interest.

"I do, and your name is going to be added if you don't tell me what you want to tell me in the next three seconds," Hera said in a steely voice. She was feeling a little light-headed...She hoped she hadn't had _too _much wine. 'Calming down' was one thing. 'Getting drunk', she could leave that to Dionysus.

"Well ma'am, she was trying to say that...uh...you have a monkey tail pinned to your skirt..." the dryad said weakly.

Hera looked at her uncomprehendingly. "I'm sorry?"

"It was this robotic monkey-thing...it pinned a monkey tail to your skirt..." she trailed off when she saw Hera staring blankly at her.

Hera didn't know what was wrong with her. Her head was definitely fuzzy, and she tried focusing on what the dryad said. "Robotic monkey-thing pinned a tail to my skirt..."

Suddenly, something snapped in her mind.

* * *

The dryads looked with amusement at the antics of the queen of the gods.

"Prim (1)?" the first dryad asked her friend after she had rematerialized to watch the show. "You forgot to tell her that the robotic monkey-thing slipped a pill in her wine."

"I was going to, but she went crazy before I could. I don't think we need to worry about getting tortured anytime soon...Lady Hera's gonna put whoever was responsible for this right at the very top," she chuckled.

* * *

"Um, Chiron?" Katie Gardener muttered from the side of her mouth at the dinner table. "You'd better come to the Big House fast."

"Why? What's wrong?" he asked in bewilderment.

"We-ell," she hedged, "It's kind of a seeing-is-believing thing..."

"Katie, you're worrying me. What is it?"

"You won't believe me."

"Try me."

She did. Predictably, he didn't believe her, not until she dragged him to the Big House and showed him.

Actually, technically speaking, even _then _he found it unbelievable.

"Tell Lord Zeus about this," he managed. "He should know that-that-"

* * *

"WHADDYA MEAN, MY WIFE IS DELUSIONED INTO THINKING SHE'S A MONKEY!" screeched Zeus.

* * *

Zeus's migraine was really reaching. When he entered the infirmary in the Big House, he nearly felt like passing out. Well, if he did, at least he wouldn't need to go far for medical help.

"What-what happened?" he finally managed.

The Apollo healer who was examining the goddess gave his verdict. "Well, I think someone slipped a pill in her drink, a pill which makes the consumer feel that-that-well, that they're a monkey."

"A pill? Who makes such a pill?"

"Pranksters-R-Us."

"How do you know that Pranksters-R-Us makes pills like these?"

Said healer blushed. "Well, all us demigods browse through their catalogues at some point or the other. I was planning to use that pill, too, once. Well, that or the farting hamburger."

Zeus suddenly felt a wave of relief wash over him as he remembered (thankfully) declining the hamburger offered by the Stolls.

Then he noticed something which made his good mood vanish completely.

"WHY THE *bleep* IS A _MONKEY TAIL _PINNED ON MY WIFE'S BUTT?"

"Well," Chiron said nervously, "we tried to take it off, but she goes into a rage when we do, so we figured to let the pill wear off, and then take it off..." he trailed off.

Zeus rubbed his temples. The headache was the worst he had ever had. And considering he had had Athena pop out of his noggin, and yet this _still _took the prize...Well, it was bad. But, unless you were a thickheaded child of Ares, you probably knew that. "How long will it take for the pill to wear off?"

"Mm, some time. We should probably let her sleep it out," the Apollo demigod suggested and he closed the door and locked it as they left.

* * *

As they exited the infirmary, the gods' misery had no bounds-yes, their _misery_. Aphrodite, Hermes, Dionysus were all but wailing, though Ares seemed slightly relieved-this meant he still had a chance of winning the bet. Athena, though, was moaning on how her daughter's genius was going to go wasted if no one noticed Hera in her monkey state.

After all, here was Hera, delusional, thinking she was a monkey, and a whole Camp to be entertained, and they LOCKED HER IN THE DAMNED INFIRMIRY! _Now_ who was going to enjoy her antics, the band aids?

Poseidon, surprisingly, was the only one with a calm head, but that was because he was watching the screen and had noticed what no one else had in their dismay-Hera had woken up and walked out of the infirmary without anyone noticing. Probably because they were guarding they were door, and Hera climbed out of the window and down the tree.

"Hey," Poseidon called. No one heard.

He raised his voice. "Hello!" No reaction.

"Hermes's hair is on fire!" He was ignored.

"Osama's ghost (2) is roaming the earth!" Ignored.

"Mount Everest is actually a volcano which just blew up!" Ignored.

"Rebbeca Black is standing on a cliff and is about to commit suicide! Justin Beiber has become the President!" Now THAT got a reaction.

After he had filled them in on how Hera has escaped, they frantically tried to figure out where she had gone.

They found her the same time the other campers did...

Or rather, _Hera _found _them_...

* * *

"You won't believe it," Percy (3) murmured to Annabeth, "but rumors are going around, saying that Hera's been hypnotized into thinking she's a monkey."

Annabeth raised her eyebrows. "You don't say."

"It's just a stupid rumor," her boyfriend said dismissively. "I mean, there can't be any truth in it, honestly, because…" he broke off.

"Yes?" Annabeth prompted.

"It's not possible," he whispered.

"Well, you never know, I mean-oh," she said, twisting around in her seat to see what Percy had seen. "Oh, so you weren't completing your sentence after all, were you?"

"It's not possible," he repeated weakly.

But apparently it was, because there she was, the queen of the gods, swinging from a branch in all her godly glory.

Zeus's mouth dropped open, and he froze.

"Um, Lady Hera?" Percy called out. "You're embarrassing yourself…and, uh, you're swinging from a tree in a skirt," he said with sudden realization.

That phrase caught most of the boys' attention at once. A small crowd had now gathered around Hera as they watched her swing back and forth.

A few campers who were sympathetic to Hera, especially since she had such a womanizing husband, tried to stop her before she could humiliate herself further.

"Milady, please come down," shouted Paula, daughter of Ares. "Or at least, wear something besides a skirt if you need to swing on trees!"

This suggestion was vehemently shot down by a majority of the male population, because boys will be boys. Paula began to lecture them, but she decided to save time and just gave them a Chinese burn instead.

They shut up.

Chiron was trotting back and forth in agitation. Delusional monkey-goddesses were something even the guy who had seen it all hadn't seen.

Zeus's eye twitched occasionally, but besides that, he hadn't moved.

Hera was finally persuaded to come down with the help of a banana, and she was after that she was led to the infirmary.

The campers slowly started dispersing…

A bee flew into Zeus's still open mouth. In fact, he only moved after the Stolls poured frog spawn down his pants, and he began lamenting the loss of his pin-striped suit.

* * *

Meanwhile, up in Olympus, Dionysus won the bet, while Poseidon fumed at how 'that Athena-spawn can't have done something this good' as Athena smugly told everyone that while strength had to bow to wisdom sometimes (4), prankster genius had to, too.

Naturally, this did nothing to improve Poseidon, Ares and Hermes's mood.

* * *

(1) Hunger Games fans UNITE!

(2) I share my birthday with Osama. And Remus Lupin :) Anyone else out there who has an awesome birthday date?

(3) Yes, I FINALLY got him in the story!

(4) Okay, practically every time

* * *

**There's one more chappie-Hera/Zeus fluff. It might take a while to go up, because I'm not really a fluff writer, I'm more of a crack-multichaps and funny-oneshots type of gal.**

**And, yeah, I'll probably end up making it funny, or some unexpected twist like at the end of Persephone Files For Divorce. Like I said, I'm a crack-kid.**

* * *

**I love you all! Seriously! All of you-yes, YOU. You there, the awesome one sitting at the computer reading this-YOU are AWESOME!**

**THANKS FOR THE LOVE, G****UYS!**


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